Last evening, I was with one of my friends who used to talk to him, I was searching for something on her WhatsApp, accidentally I saw his no, his WhatsApp account, his DP. I can’t see him from my no because he has blocked me.
You know whom I’m talking about.
He has put up a new DP and it seemed he was enjoying. Damn! I was absolutely correct the last time when I said that he might have forgotten me. Right now it feels as if the wound that had been closed had opened. My anxiety has increased. He seemed so happy that now he had got rid of me from his life.
Life is weird you know, when I left Gujrat and went home to Mumbai due to lockdown during the pandemic on 17th May 2020, Z kept on texting when I’ll come back to Gujarat and etc. For 1 full month, he texted lol. You might have read the entire incident on What Is The Outcome Of A Relationship Between a Narcissist And An Empath which happened with me, so you might be knowing what I am going through.
I am going back to Gujarat at the end of August because the lockdown over there is over. It is the same place, where I had so many memories, good and bad both. I am afraid that I will again fall into depression. Heck, when was I out of it!
I am afraid that I will not be able to handle it. I am again going to have the same mixed emotions (missing him, hating him, hating myself, etc.) all over.
I can’t leave my job because there is a job crisis due to pandemic, many people don’t have work. I can’t think of being jobless, though I have freelance work still a full-time job is essential for me.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to take it because I am not good in speaking about my problems. You know it is not easy. I have trust issues. I am afraid that it will affect my mental health. I know he had gone back to his city (Gurgaon, Haryana, India), he is happy there, having fun, and here I am left wondering that WHAT WAS MY FAULT, WHERE DID I GO WRONG. I’m afraid, sad, worried. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO…
Emotions can be hard for empaths!