What Is The Outcome Of A Relationship Between a Narcissist And An Empath

(Based on a real-life incident)

 

I am going through a rough patch. Recently, my heart was broken, well mostly because I had been an idiot. I had seen signs of narcissism but still, I let it go. I kept on forgiving. I messed up my self-respect which had affected me badly. Mostly because I am an empath and we empaths have a lot of compassion and understanding to give. We keep on giving away, forgive everything which ends up badly for us.

 

Those who know, I am from Mumbai city, India and I work as a counselor in Gujrat, India. So I met this narcissist (we will call him Z) in Gujarat in the café where I used to sit and write. He was from the city where I completed my college and he was in Gujarat for his work. Weirdly, he was in the same college just 2 years senior to me but we never met, maybe because we had different streams. Mine was Psychology and he was doing Hotel Management. Although I am not much of a talker still I don’t know how we hit it off. We used to talk all night. Mostly he used to talk and I used to listen. He loved bragging about himself. He told me about his ex’s, how they had hurt him. I used to listen. I found him sweet, I liked his way of talking.

 

It went on for some time, rather a long time. I started liking him, his compliments. Everything about him made me smile, made me happy. I realized he had PTSD but I thought it might be due to his old harsh experiences. I enjoyed his company, his compliments, his possessiveness, everything. I didn’t realize when I gave him access to myself. We became more than friends but not lovers. I had met his 2 friends who were very close to him and they had shifted in Gujrat too. One had started a family here, his friends liked me but whenever he wasn’t present there among us they asked me a question which at that time I took very lightly but I should have seen the indications. They used to ask, “You are an aspiring young lady, you have a good career, what do you see in him?”, and as an answer, I used to laugh away.

 

And then it started, at first, I overlooked it then when it started affecting me I realized he only texted or called me when he needed something. He used to insult me in front of his friends which I ignored because at that point time we all had become friends. Whereas, his friends used to stand up for me. Whenever I stopped talking to him it didn’t bother him first but when he needed something, he used to call and apologize and I, like an idiot used to forgive him. He controlled me about everything but never liked it when I suggested something.

 

I do a lot of charity, he had a problem with it too, and he hated when his friends used to talk to me more than him, gave me the attention which he wanted. He loved being the center of attraction. He had told them that as I am a city girl I looked down on country people or suburban people, (which is a lie) because he hated when they spoke to me more and not to him. He had somehow made me mentally, emotionally dependent on him. What I realized pretty late as I was in love with him, but I didn’t have any word from him about it, because I am afraid of relationships and he was aware of that. He from time to time gave me hints but was never clear. One more thing I didn’t realize was I had started drifting away from all my old friends. I have very few friends and he had a problem with me talking to guys so the friends who had been with me my entire life, in my ups and downs, when my parents died, I had abandoned them. My friends tried reaching to me but I didn’t respond to their calls or texts because I wanted to make Z happy.

 

When the lockdown started here on the 21st of March, all our works were stopped, we started working from home and then the actual game began. He completely controlled me. He was once stopped by police for stepping out during lockdown, he took money from me saying that the police charged him and he didn’t have it (later on I got to know that it was a lie). I stopped working on my novel, I worked less on the blog, as he started demanding for my time. Whenever I used to say I am happy, enjoying, he would say, ‘I am in trouble here and you are having fun at home. Very good.’ He used to gaslight me. He often used to ask me for money, the reason he stated was he didn’t have money to eat even due to no salary. I almost bore all his expenses.

 

Now, on 17th May I went back to Mumbai (home) and he was still in Gujarat. For some days he blasted my phone with texts that he missed me and when was I coming back. I wanted to go back desperately but the lockdown had worsened here in Mumbai. I started talking to my old friends. They tried to convince me that how he had manipulated me and is making my life worse. I didn’t listen.

 

Then suddenly a very good friend of mine started facing worse issues financially as I had mentioned in my post ‘Thank You’, and I was all busy trying to help him out. In the end, I was able to send him home, thanks to some charitable trusts, who reached out to me after all my hard work.

 

Z didn’t like me helping my friend, suddenly he started avoiding me. It bothered me. Whenever I asked him for reason he hurt me, insulted me badly. Still, I didn’t give up. I thought it was because he was out of work now. Then he started asking me for money as according to him he didn’t have money to go back home. I didn’t help him, which angered him and he kept on saying that I helped my friend but couldn’t help him, at some point he told me to opt for a gold loan even or to sell my chain and rings that I wear. Luckily, I didn’t. My gut feeling stopped me. Things were going on and off between us and I was getting more and more depressed. Everything got affected, my work, my freelance projects, my blog, everything. He even told me not to talk to his friends as they had laundered his money. I stopped talking to them but something inside me told me that Z wasn’t telling me the truth. He was a liar, I knew that his friends knew that but for all of us he was like a kid. We all loved him.

One day I had enough and I called up his friend and demanded to know what had been going on since I had left. They told me that he asked me for money to get drunk and he had laundered their money, even the police charging him money was also a lie. They gave me concrete pieces of evidence as well and lastly the last little bit of faith I had was shattered when they told me that he had gone back to his city Gurgaon (Haryana, India) and that’s why was avoiding me, he was done using me. I broke down. I called him but didn’t tell him that I knew the truth about him. After forcing a lot he told me that he had gone back to his place but he stuck to his story that his friends had cheated upon him. I asked him for evidence but he didn’t have any.

 

His misbehavior with me increased, him avoiding me increased. I could feel that he wanted to discard me, but it wasn’t easy for me. At some point, I even confessed my love to him but he rejected me and kept on saying we shouldn’t talk because he doesn’t feel the same. I told him I was ok with it. What I felt weird was he didn’t remember the good times we had, he told me that he didn’t remember telling me that he missed me. His mental tortures on me increased.

I literally begged him to talk to me. I used to cry for the entire day, which made me sick. And finally, the day came when I couldn’t take it anymore and I called him up and told him that I knew the truth, how he had cheated on his friends and me about money. This infuriated him and he told me a lot of things. I told him that I don’t want my money back but I’ll file a case against him if he ever dared to contact me.

 

He blocked me from Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, Snapchat. Everywhere!

Recently, a common friend sent me a picture of him partying. He looked happy. I blocked that friend.

Where I feel bad is I f***ed up my self-respect. If you want me to be honest, I have forgiven him. Maybe, I still love him but I don’t want him back. The worst part is, he had badmouthed about me to his friends in his own city (Gurgaon), he labeled me insane. That is what may be the narcissists do!

 

I am afraid of having him back. I am afraid of going through the same things. I am afraid of getting hurt. I am afraid of the thought of him contacting me again because I am tired of getting used, I am tired of his lies.

 

My friend Kate, vlogger of travel vlog Erik & Kate had been a pillar, she had been way patient with me!

 

His those 2 friends are still in touch with me, they check up on me from time to time. I don’t like talking to them because when they tried to warn me, I didn’t listen.

 

The incident, our fight was on 10th July 2020, and still now whenever I remember the good times my lips smile and my eyes get wet. I often think about where I went wrong. He had narcissistic traits, how on earth did I miss it out? He made me question my sanity, he made me question myself that was I so bad?

 

I am sure he has already forgotten me. He never liked looking back!

 

Maybe I am thinking too much. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself… Maybe!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Author: Moni

A caffeinated Workaholic ✌

94 Replies to “What Is The Outcome Of A Relationship Between a Narcissist And An Empath”

  1. Writing about your experience with Z is the best way to process and heal 🍃🌿 so proud of you🍃🌿you’re such an amazing woman and deserve only the best 💚

    1. I had the “pleasure” of meeting a narcissist once. They want the word to revolve arount them and when things don’t go their way, they throw a hissy fit and spit venom at friends. Actually, they are incapable of forming friendships because they are unable to care for anyone else except themselves. So, you are better off without him. I admire your courage of writing about this experience.

  2. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It’s so good that you are no longer in contact with him. It is always so difficult being in a relationship with a narcissist. When things are good, they are great, but they always have a way of turning things into being about them and most of the time, things are not good. I am also an empath and tend to try to see the best in people and am always willing to forgive. It’s taken a lot to allow myself to feel it is okay to not take being treated poorly by others.

  3. I am so sorry to hear that you went through this. I have been with a narc before. It was very hard for me to leave and I am so glad that I did and haven’t gone back since. I am like you too – an empath. I am glad to hear that you are no longer in contact with “z” and I hope that you take time to heal and move forward 🙂

  4. Hi, Moni! I hope you’re feeling much better now! No one should go through this thing ~ it’s sad that narcissists exist and try to control people’s lives. 🙁 Thanks for sharing your experience, it must have been painful writing about it. But I get you. I used to have an online diary too where I pour out all my emotions and I feel much better after. 🙂

  5. Being an empath comes with it’s positives and negatives. It seems like unfortantely you discovered some of the negatives with your relationship with Z. You can learn from this, not only on how to manage future relationships, but how to draw healthy boundaries with those you are with.

  6. Wow thank you for sharing. What an experience. It is always hard to see when we are in the moment. Stay strong and know you are worth so much more!

  7. That sounds like a toxic relationship combo. Lets be honest… I think any relationship with a narcissist is toxic. It is such a shame when we have to deal with people like that, and they make us question ourselves.

  8. I have been where you are. Trust me when I say that you dodged a bullet. You will be okay. It will hurt like crazy but take that step away. You deserve better. It sucks that your heart chose someone undeserving but remind yourself that he doesn’t love you over and over again until you stop looking for him.

  9. Baby girl, you are being hard on yourself. Love makes us do stooopidt things. Honey, empaths like us are one of the best things that have happened to mankind. And when we love, we fall in love completely.

    Narcissists don’t care. I can relate to most of what you said because I dated one. My dear, when my brain reset, I walked out and never looked back and I’ve been living my best life.

    Let me tell you something. The best is yet to come and when it does, you’ll remember this moment and laugh at yourself for crying over less. It always gets better.

    In the meantime, you can listen to this. I believe it’ll soothe your beautiful soul. https://vianosbitsofeverything.com/free-yourself-spoken-word-rap/

    1. I am sorry this happened to you. Narcissists aren’t good news. But you are strong and you can move on. Even if he does contact you in the future for whatever reason, just remember what he’s put you through.

  10. I think most people experiencing this kind of relationship. But we must always not be afraid to let go. Because someday, the right person will come and see our worth.

  11. The relationship between man and woman would never end as all the experiences have different faces, a relationship where one is feeling cheated or not respected is not good. All deserve to be respected and cherished in addition to sound mutual understanding.

  12. Narcissists are the worst! I’m proud of you for letting go of the relationship, it was a toxic one and I’m glad you did the right thing! I’m also thankful that you shared this experience with us, it will surely inspire others who are experiencing the same thing as well.

  13. Put yourself first. Don’t waste precious time looking back. Learn from the experience and move on. You’ll be a better person for it. Also, putting it all down in writing, I imagine, is very cathartic. Best wishes.

  14. I was married to a narcissist for 29 years. I kept thinking if I treated him better and did more for him, he would notice me and return the love. It only ever got worse. I finally got counseling and the strength to walk away from the narcissistic abuse. Good for you for getting out before it was too late!

  15. You really did amazing yeah it is definitely not so easy to let go…just one thing that is you wasted your much time over that..but glad to know that finally everything has sought down..

  16. This is hard. I have had my far share of Narcissists. I am an empath as well and I find the outcome of the two together is the empath feeling empty. The narcissist will drain you of all your empathy towards people, life and most importantly yourself. I am sorry this happened. Please reach out if you need to talk.

  17. I am glad you were able to get out of that relationship because you don’t deserve that kind of treatment! I hope you find that person who makes you feel like a queen.

  18. Hi moni, Thank you for sharing your experience. It will always bad to feel if you have been hurt or you hurt somebody. Likewise, it will not be healthy. But I am confident that when you shared it here there will always be more people who would be able to relate to you.

  19. Writing out experiences like this, can really help with positive growth and development. Good on you, for 1) identifying a toxic person 2) seeing what it was doing to you 3) to value yourself and knowing how to stay away.

  20. Talking constantly about your bad relationship is actually a good way of healing. You gain confidence from rising-up and reach where you are right now, and that is great. Never save a toxic relationship.

  21. Wow! That must have been a tough experience! I’m pretty sure that a strong woman like you, can pick up the pieces and start over with someone way better.

  22. I can relate to this, I was married to a narcissist for 8 years and as of 3 years ago divorced him and began to rebuild myself and my life. I have 2 kids with him and so he will always partially be in my life.
    They are very good at hiding their narcissism and cold nature until they feel they have you and slowly and intermittently introduce their dark side. We empaths can’t beat ourselves up about it, all we can do is learn from it and stop it from ever happening again.
    Take care and know that you are awesome, that you will fully get through this heartbreak, and will become wiser and stronger because of your experience.

  23. Wow, Moni,
    I am so sorry that you had to deal with this. I know it can be very hard for you in the aftermath of what sounds like a pretty toxic relationship. Though I do hope he gets help with I think you said he had PTSD. Not that it excuses his actions towards you or any of his friends but ultimately I think that people lash out like this because internally they are very scared.
    I do hope that you find someone who will compliment your empath spirit next time.

  24. Keep behaving and doing good to others will always make us happy without the need to think about what people do to us.

  25. Thanks for this personal sharing, appreciate it & a virtual hug for you ya
    I believe in everything happens for a good reason & am sure someone special & compliment to your empath value is awaiting you 😀
    cheers, siennylovesdrawing

  26. Writing about the experience with this guy is the first step towards healing. Relationships are difficult at times but it should never get this bad. And you don’t need to blame yourself for anything – just believe in that.

  27. I’m so sorry this happened to you. This was hard to read, as I had an older ex who also forced me to cut off male friends, and eventually male relatives, and eventually female friends to. I also had a narcissistic mother who used to take my money to alcohol as well, so this post really hit home for me in many ways. I’m so glad to hear that you’re away from the situation now and can continue to grow and heal from it all. Wishing you all the best!

  28. I am so sorry you had to go through all this. I can somehow relate to some of your experiences. My ex-husband called me a “jinx” and a “dead weight,” which of course is not true because he is the one who did not want to work! Thankfully I got out of that toxic relationship. I wish you healing and happiness. Keep your head high. You are loved!

  29. I hope you’re doing much better now. I also tend to blog about my heartbreaks and it helps me process some feelings and heal in a way. You deserve so much more than how you were treated. You’re going to be okay. 💕

  30. Forgive yourself for not seeing or responding to the signs and move on. Fortunately, you are safe and you didn’t waste too much time on this narcissist. Happiness is out there–you’ll be more wary and will have better luck next time because of this experience.

  31. I can feel you, dear. Even I over think and the only advice I would give you is that just be easy on yourself. If anything/anyone belongs to you then the destiny will take care of it.

  32. You are a very honest and good person and you let somebody to take advantage of you. Don’t be too hard on yourself and thank you for sharing this. Some people would not dare to share this but you did. You are one very brave person.

  33. I am sorry your heart is broken but you are better off alone.i am an empath,an extremely one at that matter.I have broken up with people for not showing empath to others and I have no regrets.

  34. Thank you for opening up, I think this is a form of healing for you as it must have been so difficult admiting what happened and writing it down in details. I hope you recover and become a stronger person and use your past as a guide for your future.

  35. I am glad you have written about your experiences. To go through all of that must have been incredibly hard. It’s good that you are empathic, but there will always some that will take advantage.

  36. I’m so sorry you had to live through that, but so glad you go out. It’s never easy but sometimes we need to make a clean break with toxic people.

  37. Thanks for sharing your experience with us. It’s never easy but thank God you out. Stay relax and all gonna be cool.

  38. Thank you for sharing your story. I admit, as a man i am immature and doesn’t like commitments. I sometimes feel bad whenever i hook up with someone and they start developing feelings but i don’t reciprocate. But i never took advantage of them or even ask for money. Reading your story made me feel bad. Hope you are doing fine.

  39. I’m sorry you had to experience this, but sounds like a good lesson of what behavior not to accept from othet people in the future. When you heal from this experience and are able yo separate your feelings for him from this situation, you will be able to be more rational, I think. I hope you heal swiftly and don’t become cynical about dating or love. I hope you are able to set clear boundaries for yourself because you can only control your behavior and people will treat you how you allow them to.

  40. I believe it is your fault. You recognized he had PTSD and you had seen signs, you should have moved apart then but you thought u can cure. Everyone knows a narcissist can not be cured. You kept giving on chances to him. At least it is a good thing that it wasn’t too late else things could have taken the worst turn for you. Take care.

  41. Opening up can be a very difficult especially if it is really private. I had a very “general” and positive response a while ago but it seems that being optimistic can be very harmful also. So to give my honest opinion on this, you should be firm on on your decision. If he has that “narcissist” tendencies, then don’t accept him anymore in your life. Sometimes even if we want somebody, it’s not meant to be! As you said, “it’s not romantic” but well, for others, they may deal with narcissistic people so they tend to hurt themselves more. On a different perspective, I think we should all remember to adjust and be open minded about it. They may have reasons on why they want to be a “center of attention” so since we know better, we should also know the reasons why they are doing it.

  42. You had been one of my favourite colleagues. I still remember when you first told me about him on March, I told you I don’t know if you remember or not that your behavior had changed. I had known you for 5 years and after this man entered your life from a confident girl or a emotionally weak girl, the change was rapid. You used to seek for his permission about everything and he always remembered you when needed something, either food, or money or any information. Remember when the lockdown started at your place during April you frantically used to reach out to him but he never responded because that time he did not need anything from you. But when he wanted your help to get a permit to go home from Gujrat to Haryana he kept on texting you about details. He had always been selfish and you have been selfless. His being selfish had taken him places, he is having fun, living with his friends in Gurgaon, and you are affected. Learn to grow barriers. Helping is good but you should not destroy yourself while trying to help others.

  43. I don’t know what to say but remember NARCISSISTS ARE KIND OF AN ABOMINATION. THEY HAVE NO CURE. And he was a pathological liar too. At least you moved to Mumbai before he did all these else I am afraid as much as I know you God knows what you might have done to yourself. Take Care.

  44. Sounds like he was really toxic. I think it is interesting these days that we are learning more about narcissists and what the personality type does to others etc. I don’t think I know many personally but what I have read about some public personalities definitely fits the label. Anyways glad you broke free from this controlling person. This is kind of scary how manipulative some people are.

  45. I’m so sorry you have had to go through this. I hope you have found some relief in sharing your experience and helping others identify a narcissist.

  46. It’s sad when people have a way of life that is to get what they can from others. In the end, they end up sad and never truly having known love. Those of us who move on from them, if we make careful decisions, can. Good luck to you!

  47. Life is a lot about experiences and we have to go through hard times and heart breaks in order to learn and know how to handle situations when the right person comes into our life.

  48. I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through this experience. Unfortunately, it can happen so easily because people like this tend to hide their true traits and make you feel abnormal in their presence. However, I am glad that you were able to escape and now the healing begins.

  49. I am so sorry you have to go through such things… Learn to let go and value yourself. Learn from your experiences and accept things, move forward, and start healing. You are strong!

  50. Narcissist and a compulsive pathological liar. You had the red flags but you chose to ignore it. So you’re equally to blame if not more since you kept with his bullshit. But that’s what love does. It kind of makes you oblivious of the red flags. Next time’s lessons learnt I guess!

  51. Sorry that you are going through this right now. I’m also an empath and was in a relationship with an abusive narcissist. It did not end well and involved a lot of domestic dispute.

    I wish you all the best.

  52. It pains me to read it. I hope you feel better now, as several days has passed from writing this post. If you need an online shoulder you always have us

  53. Well done for writing this all down and sharing it with us. This is definitely a healthy way of working through this. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through that.

    Stay strong!

  54. First and foremost I want to let you know that you are being too hard on yourself, you know within you that you deserve better and you’re stronger than you think. We sometimes let our inner strength down by allowing our emotions get the better of us. If for anything Z just lost an amazing person in you. You are beautiful, smart and kind, keep your head up and know that the future is brighter without Z in your life. You should also know that your story resonates with a lot of people and you’re definitely not alone.

  55. Writing about your experience is definitely a good way to release some of the pent up frustration and to work through it all. I did the same after divorcing my narcissistic husband. It took me two years to completely break through the pains, all while being married to him still! Then I find out that my mother is acting just like him. But stay strong. Stay on the path of healing. Things do get better.

  56. You have done a courageous thing by jotting down your experience. I think your experience of being with an Emotionally unavailable guy is nothing new! I have heard many stories from my female colleagues for a long time! But you did the right thing by facing your issues in their face. This is the only way to do… .like a boss! Proud of you!

  57. I don’t know what to say, I am just so proud of how you handled the entire situation! Never blame yourself, it is his loss!!! I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been to be in a relationship with a narcissist, good that this is past now!

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