Why did I stop Dating

After reading this topic many might think that I will blabber the same thing that the guys I dated had this issue or that issue but no, this is different. I have dated a heck lot of men but it did not work out. It has been 2 years since I have stopped dating and here goes the prime reasons.

Somewhere in Sardinia

Touch me Not: When someone likes someone (regardless of gender) and they date obviously they want to touch, kiss the other person. In my case, I do not like anyone touching or kissing. I do not even prefer holding hands. Leave alone in reality not even virtually (if you can understand what I mean). I know it sounds weird but I am not at all comfortable.

Being ‘Extra’ Sweet: Of course, people love when the other person is being sweet to them or wants to know all about them. I am ok with that but when it comes to texting or calling that too 24*7 asking “Honey, you had lunch”, “Honey had dinner?” honey this, honey that; I am NOT okay. C’mon give me a break! I do not think this is sweet, according to me this is stalking. I mean now if I have to go to washroom do I need to tell the other person. This is utterly a shit and I do not tolerate this.

Behavioral Change: I have noticed this thing in men and women both when they want someone they would do anything so that they like them back and once it happens all of a sudden they become way too busy. I understand people might have busy lives and my schedule is an example for the ones who know me but if someone really means something to you no matter how busy you are you will find out a little time for them. If you cannot give them your precious time better STAY AWAY! In my case even after warning for several times if I still see that the person is coming up with excuses, no matter how much I like him, I walk away.

Overly Possessive: We all know being a little bit possessive is alright, but overly possessive? Trust me, IT SUCKS…! During my college days, I was dating a guy who had a problem with whenever anyone called me over the phone and my call went on waiting mode, even if it was my dad. I was made to cut contacts with all my friends and I was not even allowed to talk to my girl-friends. Very soon he got on my nerves and I dumped him.

Do NOT tell me what to do: Just because someone is dating me or I am dating someone that does not give us the right to interfere in our personal matters or family matters unless asked for. Try doing this and you are straight out of sight and out of mind.

Don’t ask me: I expect people to understand me rather than asking me. Yes there might be misunderstandings but if I really care about someone I would clarify it or give explanation. If I dont care enough then, “Get lost dude”.

Why Me? : People change, I do agree with that but why do I have to call or text someone always. When they wanted me and my time, they never got bored with me or had time for me during ‘their’ busy hours but now no time? Isn’t it simply great? As one of my blogging friend Daisy, told me once, “If a man wants you, he’ll call, he’ll text, he’ll cross the oceans and be there for you. Everything else is just an excuse.”, this is very true. Darling, you expect me to do it then why can’t you?

So in my case whenever this happens I observe them for a week then solely stop contacting or I make sure that they just ‘damn’ leave. It hurts, yes but mental peace is way more important to me. But once again, of course, I am not cutting them out of my life, I just cannot hurt my self-respect anymore. I am there for them if they need me because I know them. I know a lot of people, I just don’t make friends.

Copyright: withlovemoni.com

See, I know I have issues and I accept them. All men are not as bad as often pictured, yes there are issues from both the sides and maybe we all are right from our own point of view. However, I always say that I am not good. Some say I am paranoid and some say that I may have an inferiority complex but I do not have any, I just accept myself the way I am. I can’t say sugar coated words, I can’t be pretentious. If that makes me bad then yes I am. 

However, I also believe that if 2 people are meant to be together nothing can come between them. No matter how bad the time is or how much complicated you are.

So be you. Accept yourself the way you are. Love yourself with all your complications because believe me no one on earth can love you more than you can.

Copyright: withlovemoni.com

157 thoughts on “Why did I stop Dating”

  1. Hey Moni,
    Thank you so much for mentioning my comment from the other day. I love this post. Well, I love touching, kissing and holding hands but I feel the same about everything else. There’s no rush. You’ll find someone for you when the time is right. I’m also single for quite some time now and I’m not looking for anyone. I’m just enjoying my single time! Keep loving yourself.
    All the best,

  2. It’s good to know yourself and the things you can accept in another person and those things which will make things fail in the end. It’s not that the other person is bad. It’s just knowing yourself and what you can accept in a relationship. Sometimes that means we end up single for a time. But it’s better that than force something to work for you which is obviously not working.

  3. I thought I was the only one who doesn’t like to be touched! Guess not. I tend to agree with you on all points above. At this point in my life I find I would much rather be home with my cat then out socializing.

  4. Yes I believe that if two people are meant for each other nothing can separate them, not even their differences. I would not do anything I dislike just because of love. If the guy cannot except me as I am than good-bye to him.

  5. It is so important to accept yourself for who you are and not care what anybody thinks 🙂 I can relate to this completely. I have a lot of issues especially when it comes to relationships too.

  6. I think it’s very brave to admit all of these things and very useful too – realising what works and what doesn’t for you, even though it might mean getting a bit fed up with people etc.. nonetheless you might not have to stop dating all together? Don’t give up 🙂

  7. I stopped dating for a while after a failed relationship and just focused on myself and worked out the reasons why I wanted a relationship at all. As soon as I stopped dating my husband came along and before I knew it I was back in the game!

  8. Loved this post, as I can definitely relate!
    The overly possessive type was around me recently… and it just drove me crazy!
    I still hope to meet the right someone one day though 🙂

  9. It’s always good to know what you want and don’t want in a relationship. That way, when you do find someone who wants the same thing as you, you’ll know that maybe it’s a relationship worth trying 🙂 Do what makes you happy!

  10. I also stopped dating so definitely, we can relate Moni. For me, I just don’t like it the possessiveness and being told what to do do. As an introvert and a loner, I’m seriously appreciating my singleness.

  11. We all have our oddities and insecurities, you have yours too.I guess you just have not met the right person .I believe you should keep trying though as you never know when the right person may walk into your life.

  12. Yes, Moni, thank you for reminding us that when the right person comes, he/she will be able to love you as you are, totally embracing your beauty and your flaws. Nothing can come between you two ❤️

  13. Love yourself with all your complications because believe me no one on earth can love you more than you can. It is uplifting words for me. Need to hear this. Thank you for sharing.

  14. I have been lucky to meet mostly decent guys when I was younger and went on dates. It’s been 6 years now since I found my soul mate and he came when I was not searching for anything. So first you need to love yourself, accept yourself and then love will come.

  15. i guess it is all about timing and chemistry! i went through a lot of dates as well before i met my partner of 8 years now and even then, we still have some hiccups! it is a big ocean out there with plenty of fish!

  16. I’m that touchy, kissy person you speak of lol but I definitely don’t want anyone telling me what to do. Every relationship is different. You set your own rules not society.

  17. I think the very first lesson you learned was to know what you like and understand yourself. That helps tremendously in relationships.
    Too often people try too hard and I see the behaviors you mentioned in that light.
    I agree, I don’t want to be controlled. I want to be appreciated.

  18. I agree with you in everything that you’ve said here and yes, it is true that no one in this earth will love you and understand you the way you understand and accept yourself.

  19. It’s good that you realize what you are looking for (and NOT looking for) in a relationship. Always best to recognize when it’s not working for you.

  20. I think you just haven’t found the person for you. But not letting anyone near you and expecting them to just get you without talking to them, it could make it harder to do so.

  21. I am glad that you know yourself, being in the relationship, two parties have to be true to each other. I used to have a girlfriend that very possessive. At that moment, I thought that I love her, I accepted everything she decided. But then later, I realized that I just reshaped myself to be the way she wanted me to be and I wasn’t happy. Two years after, I fed up.

  22. Very interesting post, and something that everyone needs to stop and think about whether in a relationship or not. Unless you know your own self and know what you want or like then you can not have a really honest relationship with anyone else. But most importantly be you not what you think someone wants you to be

  23. Its all reminds me from the past and the life of teenage or college that so very much more memories in dating or in relationships.I love this post.

  24. Your friend Daisy is very wise and actually said exactly the same thing a man told me many years ago. My grandmother had a saying ‘elke pot het ‘n deksel’ translated as ‘every pot has a lid’ and I must agree with her. There is someone for you and all the rejects are just you trying to find the lid that fits.

  25. I remember back when I was single I never dated. NEVER. Then one day I was like, um, GiGi, are you planning on being single forever because yeah, this is how you get there. So I downloaded TINDER. There were of course a lot of DUDS on there but also back when I was on it, it wasn’t as SKETCH as it supposedly is now. And I have to say, I am thrilled I was on there because well, my husband and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary yesterday!

  26. That’s a very interesting post, Moni. I don’t think I ever consciously stopped dating for a time, it either happened or it didn’t, I suppose. I can totally understand where you are coming from here though, and you are right, if it’s meant to be, it will be.

  27. This post is great because we tend to lose ourselves in relationships. I am very fortunate to be dating a male version of myself who respects that I am not touchy-feely and I am not needy. He knows that I am not at his beckon call nor will I update my every move and I give him the same respect. Do you and what works for you!

  28. It’s good that you understand your likes/dislikes and what your tolerance levels are. I’m a touchy feely person but I’m also an introvert and require my space very often lol. This may be seen as moodiness, but it’s not, and it takes someone who understands you to realize that. Obsession isn’t healthy in any relationship but you don’t have to tell them when you’re going to the bathroom lol. Just things like travelling plans or whatever might also affect them to, and it goes both ways. No one wants to date people they cannot be free with.

  29. Totally agree with you! You love and know yourself more than anyone and we tend to look for others in order to receive the feeling.

  30. I believe it is perfectly okay to be single or to stop dating. I have to agree that we must first learn to love ourselves because no one can love us more than we do.

    Anyway, I’d like to let you know I also stopped dating for a couple of years after a painful break-up but I guess there will always be “the one” for us. He came at the time I least expected it.

  31. Yup! I am the exact same way 🙂 A lot of the points you made above really resonated with me. I have found that I am much happier single, than I am in a relationship. I like complete freedom in my life, and I won’t find that in a marriage or in a relationship.

  32. I think it’s very important to love yourself first and what matters the most is that you are happy. I believe the right person will come and then everything changes for the best.

  33. For sure, I mean I see your point. I am married but I remember in the younger ages I used to enjoy being solo rather than dating someone just because I am so independent.

  34. It’s really your choice whether to date or not, and I do somehow understand your point here. If you are living your life productively you are busy enough then you don’t necessarily need someone to always be with you.

  35. You’ve always got to be honest with who you really are. Once you’ve got that down, meeting people shouldn’t be a drag! This was definitely a good read, interesting perspective.

  36. Dating can be very challenging for people especially if they have an unique personality. The key is just to wait until you find that right fit of a person. Sometimes it may take just getting to know someone over an extended period of time before you date.

  37. My dating days are over and thank goodness for that. It can be tiring and frustrating looking for ‘the one’. The truth is, no one is perfect and relationship is all about compromise and understanding.

  38. I respect many who stop dating, and they have their own reasons. And for me, I can’t imagine it – it is part of my way to connect with other people and learn from the society.

  39. We are both the same, but unlike you, I have never tried dating, It’s my own choice. I want to spend more time with my family and finish my study first.

  40. I stopped dating too, It has been 5 years since My last time I date someone. I don’t want a person that is very possessive and always tell me what to do. I am ok now, I am happy with what I have.

  41. I could not help to come back and comment again. It takes a strong person to be firm and stay true to herself. I truly love your writing style.

  42. I agree with all of these, as an individual you should learn to love yourself before loving others and by that way you will learn how truly love others.

  43. I think people need to be honest with themselves and what they want from a relationship. If you know this (and you do) then the right relationship will come when you meet someone who meets you expectations.

  44. Do not rush into things and you need to find someone who is able to adapt with you. It will eventually happen. You make some valid points here.

  45. You probably did not even find a person you would love without ceasing. It’s great to accept yourself, but it’s even better to change with a deeper understanding of our mistakes.

  46. Well, you do sound like me lol. I haven’t dated for almost 3 years now and i am at the stage where i have come to fully accept that being with someone for the long haul is not for everyone lol. I am the type that usually goes into a relationship with body, soul and mind. Fully committed but i seem to never get what i put in back so why bother.

    But like you concluded, i believe there is one person out there meant for you and that no matter the circumstances, it will work out. I hope we all find that someone.

  47. I totally understand everything and we have the same issue when it comes to dating. I don’t like a person who is too sweet and possessive but I also understand that you can’t please someone to act depends on what you want.

  48. While i understand some people love the term, I cannot stand being called ‘Honey’ either! Its is a fluid sticky substance secreted from a stinging insect! Haha! Good for you for taking charge. Stay true to your values xx

  49. I used to feel exactly the same. I was quite closed off when it came to affection as it’s something I just didn’t really like, that was until I met my partner out of the blue when I wasn’t even looking. I think when we find the right fit it works and you don’t have to date, knowing yourself and loving yourself comes as a priority x

  50. I’m a little lost for words if I’m honest. I fear I’m the total opposite and find it hard to understand how you feel although I totally respect it.

  51. Knowing your boundaries and personality then staying true to it takes bravery. It’s your life and you deserve to be happy. Grab job standing up for yourself.

  52. Sometimes it’s a good idea to take a step back and figure out what you really want to do with yourself before throwing someone else into the picture. That, and people can be quite possessive.

  53. I super love your post Moni, thank you for sharing. I agree with you dating is not easy and requires a lot of compromises but it also has its advantages. It is really great that you know yourself that well, it is an amazing starting point.

  54. I love your point about nothing being able to come between people who belong together. I believe that too! Once you find the person you’re meant to be with, everything will fall into place.

  55. I have noticed over the years that one of the secrets to a successful relationship is understanding each other’s love language. Gary Chapman wrote an amazing book called 5 love languages and it has been a genuine way to help not only couples but also understanding your children as well.

  56. Thank you for your honesty. Every one of us look for that perfect relationship, which of course, does not exist. I respect your views and I know that being alone does not mean being lonely. Maybe in time, the right one will come along.

  57. Everyone has their own language of love and what makes them feel loved and touching is obviously not everyone’s cup of tea. Great post and it’s really great that you are in tuned with yourself.

  58. I believe if you are meant to be no man can separate you at all. It’s good to take the time to get to know you first before getting into a relationship. When the time is right the right person will come to you

  59. I enjoyed reading this. As long as you are happy, it doesn’t matter whether you date or not. It sounds like you want a mature relationship if you were to have one. I like your point at the end – if two people are meant to be together, they will be together. when you find who you are meant to be with, you’ll know.

  60. Dating is definitely something to truly think about and to make sure that you are 100% ready. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your honesty. This can and will reach someone who really needs this read. Love your blog!

  61. Wow! Great and honest post! I hate it when guys try and tell me what to do and get possessive. I’ve never found that perfect relationship, but I did find my best friend whom I’ve been married to seven years this next March. It’s crazy how things work out.

  62. Singledom is bliss… I know. But all the changes you mentioned that appear when people are dating come naturally. Its fun if its organic. Not so much fun when you do it for peer pressure. Wish you find someone soon to do all these stupid things. Best of luck :slightly_smiling_face:

  63. I don’t have much dating experience, but I totally agree with you, we should respect yourself and your boundaries! It is not mandatory to be with a partner or in a couple!

  64. I think it is a good thing that you are so self-aware and willing to take a break from dating. Sometimes time is the best healing process and things always happen the way they are meant to!

  65. Dating is hard these days, people have changed so much over the years and finding someone nice today seems a big hustle. You have your reasons why you stopped dating and hopefully, this will inspire others as well to take it easy with all the dating bubble.

  66. I do agree that you have to love yourself first and foremost and I too have had some bad relationships but my husband now is the best and one day you will find that person for you. I am very independent and do not like public displays of affection… although my husband does…. but he respects my decision and leaves it alone because it is just… ick…. when I see people making out In the grocery store. Anyway… loved your post and I always enjoy your posts 🙂 Thank you!

    1. Loving one self is the best love you can get. If we have enough love for ourselves, then we can share good love to others.

  67. Such a great topic to start with and very curious on what it will lead. Accepting and knowing our self is definitely the priority we can make to be with somebody else again.

  68. Being a very independent person myself, I can respect your views. It is very important to be self-aware and know what you want and what your boundaries are. Taking a break sounds like the best thing to do, when the time comes, it will feel right for you.

  69. I hope I will be with my husband forever because I could have the same problems with dating other men. I believe in the same thing as you ‘if 2 people are meant to be together nothing can come between them’ Maybe one day you will find your second half who would accept everything that’s ‘different’ in you

  70. It is great that you know who you are and what makes you happy in a relationship. I am married now, but I was not willing to settle on what I needed and wanted. I made that mistake in the past and wasn’t willing to settle.

  71. It is good that you know what you want and dont want. I’ve been single for years and I’m definitely good with it. Ive learned a lot from that time and grown from it. And it’s good to not just settle.

  72. Wow i related to so much of this. Totally feel yah.
    I glad that after it all you still believe that if 2 people are meant to be that nothing can come between them. It’s good to be open to that. I do hope you find that person some day. Until then. Enjoy single life

  73. Kristine Nicole Alessandra

    I understand how you feel. Sometimes it is really frustrating when your needs are not met and you end up being hurt. Just let time take its course and someday, the right one will come to sweep you off your feet.

  74. I found this to be an interesting perspective and I understood many of your points. I personally believe when you find the right person for you, things will naturally progress and fall into place 🙂

  75. I loved your post, really. EVERYONE has issues of some kind, They are just different for everyone. I don’t have some of the issues you posted but definitely do not like people telling me what to do or how to feel. The older I get, the less patience I have with that also! Someday the right person will be there for you. Until then, don’t settle!

  76. Thank you for sharing all of your experiences! I have had some weird dating experiences of my own! All these tips that you shared are so important!

  77. This is a great way to understand and pinpoint your preferences, it gives you clarity in my opinion. A relationship is a mutual thing and if two people have a difference of opinion on mere things like the expression of affection – one may like touching the other may like talking – then it will obviously be a recipe for disaster. Kudos to you for being aware of your likes and dislikes on this!

  78. I love this post! There’s so much truth in this. I’m in a relationship now. I believe that there will be someone willing to break all the walls we have built around us to free us from our insecurities.

  79. First of all, you’re not paranoid. I mean, I read last week a post in other blog about a guy giving 25 tips for a first day and I was like… dude… you can’t. You can give tips, advices, whatever, but don’t pretend to say that all women are the same because it’s not true. And two of the tips were the touching thing and being all day by the phone asking and talking. For me thats controlling and I would be stressed if that happens in my relationship. And about touching I told him not all women love that so… be extremely careful with the touching and the holding hands in the first dates.
    So, I’m not like you but I agree in some things…you’re not alone and you’re too young to be in a hurry of finding the love of your life.

  80. It is big of you to own up to your preferences and how that can impact your ability to be in a relationship right now. If more people took time to themselves as you are instead of hurting people along the way things would surely improve for most

  81. Yes! It is so important to love yourself fully before you can love anyone else 🙂 Taking a minute to learn about what you want and need is vital to having a healthy happy relationship in the future:)

  82. So many of these reasons are the same ones why I don’t date any more. Plus, at 45, I have enough other things to do – my son to raise, full time work and 2 side hustles, my house and yard, a great town I live in where I can walk to a bunch of restaurants if I want to. I figure, if someone is meant to be in my life, it’ll happen without me working too hard for it. And if not, that’s okay because I love the life I have!

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