How to know that you are manipulated in a relationship?

Emotional control can happen in relationships more often than we might realize. It doesn’t just happen in obviously harsh relationships, but even in seemingly smaller ways. For instance, your partner might always want things their way when you’re together. Sometimes, it can be more serious, like making you doubt your own memories.

Here are some signs I’ve noticed:

1. They might say, “If you really loved me,” to get what they want.
2. They act like the victim and blame you for things.
3. They try to provoke you when they think you’re catching on to their behavior.
4. They might even threaten to harm themselves, which can be really intense and overwhelming.
5. They make you feel like you owe them something for what they’ve done.
6. When you point out their mistakes, they say you’re overreacting.
7. They might call you oversensitive or selfish when you stand up for yourself.
8. If things don’t go their way, they raise their voice or make a scene.
9. They rarely have anything positive to say and criticize you constantly.
10. When they’re done with the relationship, they use your vulnerabilities against you.

I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while, and I got more motivated after watching a video by Dr. Antonio Borrello, a popular YouTuber who talks about dating and relationships. His videos are really informative and based on research. You can find him on YouTube by searching for Antonio Borrello.

109 thoughts on “How to know that you are manipulated in a relationship?”

  1. This is am amazing article with beautiful and emotional key points you have brought up. Unfortunately many people are manipulated in relationships. And that causes more harm and self doubt than anything else.

  2. Man is this not the truth!! Its so ironic that I was just speaking to a friend about how manipulative individuals can be in relationships especially when they feel they are losing control over you. Great info and great read!

  3. Great information, it’s kind of related to some of my friends who are in relation. Being manipulated in a relation definitely don’t do you any good.

  4. I was in a manipulative relationship before, thank goodness I managed to recognize the signs! We almost got married! This article will help a lot of women.

  5. My older cousin is in a super manipulative relationship. It’s true that at first she couldn’t see the signs or acknowledge his problematic behavior. Such a great post.

  6. Great pointers here Moni. It’s very unfortunate to be in such a manipulative relationship but one thing I’ve seen too is that such partners will always make yo feel like you owe them.

  7. I am really sad that these types of relationship happen and it’s awful to be one since I have a close friend who is suffering. These signs you mentioned are spot on.

  8. Hmmnn…thankfully I’ve never endured this and once I see the signs, it’s either I confront him or I leave. I’m a very forceful person so in the event this happens (Heaven forbid), 2 headstrong people will not work.

  9. blair villanueva

    If you allow that person to manipulate you then, you are giving consent to that to yourself. We have the choice to change it or embrace it for the sake of someone or something. However, it isn’t good at any angle.

  10. Jennifer Prince

    Been there. Done that. Why do we as women stay in relationships like that? Ug. Great to bring this topic to light!

  11. This is such an amazing article. Unfortunately, far too many people are in relationships like this. I hope that someone out there reads this and finds the courage to get out.

  12. Annemarie LeBlanc

    I know of someone who is in a situation like this. She really wants out but she has children to worry about. I am going to send her the link to this post. I hope she ends her relationship with her husband. It is not healthy for her or for her kids.

  13. Yuck, manipulation is such a horrible thing to come across! I can’t believe people would WANT to do this to another person…
    Good write up though!

  14. It is often hard to see these things when you are in a relationship. But I have often seen it from the outside, and it is terrible when you see how people control others.

  15. I lived eight years where a woman used all of these tactics in a relationship. Frequently it’s because the person has some kind of a personality disorder. They are not secure in who they are and so they need to constantly destabilize the relationships so they feel like they are more in a secure footing. Or at least they feel more in control than you do and that’s all that matters to them. I wish I could say that people like this didn’t exist. Unfortunately, it’s more common then we would like to think. And sex is no predictor of who exhibits these behavioral attributes.

  16. I would argue with some of the other comments on here as I feel I’m living proof that it’s not only women that put up with this and that men also have to deal with things like this.

    My previous relationship was, at times, very manipulative. I was made to feel small, poor and just an awful partner. The thing is, and in my opinion it’s the biggest thing, is that when you have this manipulation, this emotional torment happen to you it breaks you so you don’t think you’re good enough for anything else. That’s why people stay in these relationships, and that’s why it takes a huge amount of courage for people to walk away.

  17. This is such an amazing and an informative article. It’s so important to know if you’re dealing with a negative relationship. Thank you so very much for sharing this.

  18. Manipulation is something I try to elope from in ANY relationship. Manipulation come from parents, partners and friends and this is the kind of attitude I always escape from. Too toxic and dangerous mainly for people who tend to be emphatic.

  19. I have not experienced any of these first hand, but I have friends who have been in similar situations. Playing the victim is something I have seen in some people who are in relationships. Its a horrible game of manipulation and it is something I avoid in relationships of any kind.

  20. This was a really interesting read, thanks for sharing. I have a Masters in Clinical Psych so I love reading about different things like this. I’m thankful I haven’t been in a relationship like this!

  21. A brilliantly written post, my dear friend.
    Sadly, I relate to this all too well, but I needed to read it – for sure.

  22. Sadly, I have been in a relationship like this in my past. But, it’s not for nothing. It has brought me to my husband and we have been happily married for many years. Great advice for those that are in a tough spot.

  23. Thankfully, I am in a relationship where I don’t need to do something because I’m being manipulated. This is a sad reality for most people who need to face this kind of abuse each day.

  24. This is great information about awareness on this topic. Unfortunately toxic relationships seem to be on the rise so its great to have some key behaviors to really watch out for so you don’t end up feeling the effects of a bad relationship.

  25. That was so sad that you got to experience such abuse. It was so fulfilling to know that someone else out there could understand and relate to such situations.

  26. It’s sad when someone manipulates their partner. It doesn’t nurture the relationship at all, and will cause the person being manipulated to think twice before jumping into another relationship.

  27. Unfortunately, I know of a person close to me that is in this type of relationship where the partner behaves a lot in this way. Totally manipulative and controlling although the person doesn’t seem to see it or just doesn’t care. It is really sad to see when you only have their best interests at heart but they continue to carry on with that situation. I often wonder how long it can last.

  28. This is an amazing article, and so needed to be talked about. Bringing light to this is the only way to get the word out and get yourself to safety.

  29. This is such an educated post! So many individuals are in relationships where they are manipulated but unfortunately, they are so blinded by love that they refused to see it.

  30. These are some really good points. I know some of my friends who’s been through this and it’s really sad to see them suffer

  31. I am so sorry you got to experienced these things from your former relationships. I know how hard to be manipulated by other people not only in a lovers relationship but also in friends and work relationships. I am glad that he is already out of your life now.

  32. You make some very valid points here. Relationships are never suppose to feel like work. Doing things out of love is one thing, but doing things out of fear or unseen psychological manipulation are another. Great post!

  33. Must say that you have shared this very important information on the relationship, we somehow at some point gets trapped in this all manipulation. Sometimes we don’t want to lose the relation or sometimes we really don’t care. But a relation should be free from all limitations, there shouldn’t be any way for manipulation. Thanks for spreading awareness on this major issue.

  34. Ann F. Snook-Moreau

    These things sound like more than manipulation . . . they are abuse. I am so glad that my husband does not try to use my emotions against me.

  35. This will be so eye-opening for so many people that are in a relationship just so they are not alone. Being with someone means you want the best for them. Yes, not everything is honey glazed and fights/misunderstanding will appear but if it`s not working, learn to make it work or let it go.

  36. Wow! That was a great article to read. I never thought that there is manipulation of relationship, I thought that was that kind is in the relationship. Thanks for letting me know all about these!!

  37. I really think it is important to continue talking about this in hopes that it helps someone break the cycle. Nobody has to be treated that way. A relationship should be someplace/someone that makes us feel safe.

  38. Very thought-provoking post. Unfortunately, I have had this experience in past relationships, including two ex-husbands who were truly manipulative, critical, emotionally and verbally abusive … well, pretty much everything you described here! Fortunately, I’m remarried (coming up on 13 years) to a man who treats me SO much better!

  39. Yes, all true. I was married to one, and he nearly destroyed me. It’s taken 8 years to rebuild myself. Manipulation is not love, no matter how much some people call it that.

  40. Kristine Nicole Alessandra

    I have been in a relationship like this and I was stupid to have kept up with the abuse for 14 years. Every time my ex would apologize, I immediately forgave him, although at the back of my mind, the trust was not there anymore. Fortunately, I found enough courage to leave. I packed my bags and left. Me and my kids found shelter in my parents’ home.My ex did not even seem to care that we were gone.

  41. There is a family member I know and love who is being manipulated. She is smart so I am dumbfounded that she does not see what we all do, and she gets mad when we mention things to her about it (as we all have). She’s def. giving new meaning to the phrase, ‘love is blind.’

  42. It is sad to know that we have all been there — manipulated in some way in our past relationship. But the most important thing is to see right through and to get out of it.

  43. Definitely be warned when gaslighting happens in any relationship – it’s a definite sign that you need to get out. Keeping a good center, knowing your value is key in not losing yourself in a relationship – this is such a great post, and worth sharing (which I will do)!

  44. Emotional manipulation is just as painful as any physical abuse one can suffer. Guilt tripping and gaslighting do so much damage and many struggle so hard to see it for what it is.

  45. Catherine Santiago Jose

    This is such a great post and an enlightenment to all those in this same kind of situation. Totally agree with everything you’ve cited and this is just what we need nowadays.

  46. When your other half starts to manipulate you, then you know the love is gone and the relationship is not working anymore. I don’t get why women choose to stay with men who torture them emotionally.

  47. Its such a great topic to talk about. Having been in one of these types of relationships, I realized have just been used since its not going smoothly again.

  48. This is a great advice for everyone, not just for spousal relationships but friendship as well! I had so many toxic, manipulative friends through college and slowly began to distance myself from them. I am happy to say I have a solid circle of friends and a husband who provides support and strength rather than try to rip me down <3

  49. This is such an important topic & a great post! I think many people need it. It’s so easy to be swept away and especially when people are good to be manipulative it’s hard to see it for what it is – not your fault! Thank you for sharing!

  50. Great article talking about a subject a lot of people don’t really like talking about. However, it’s important to talk about because these types of relationships are toxic and can impact the rest of someone’s life.

  51. Yeah definitely do agree with every of point..this is so helpful and useful blog post for every of person who is suffering through such type of relationship indeed..glad you shared this with us.,.

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