I Knew What I Was Doing

He had always given me everything. He never said no to any.
When we first met in 2015, I was in search of a true friend. He became my truest friend who also helped me in taking care of my ailing father.

When my father died in 2016, he became my guide. Next when I was in search of love, he became my love. He loved me unconditionally. We had our ups and downs but we were happy.
In 2017 I met with an accident which left me paralysed. He could have left then taking away everything I had as I lost my memory. But instead of taking away he gave me all he had. He took care of me, he became my support and I was cured.

In 2018, I wanted to get married to him, he didn’t say no, so we got married. A month later I got a job offer in another state. For a change I wanted to accept it. He encouraged me for this new venture. He was ready for this long distance marriage because he had full faith in me.

In 2021, I fell in love with Lalit. I left my job and moved back home. But I was enjoying this new relationship and I had to have him so I moved to his city. I lied at home that I got a new job in some other city. Only Nishant (my husband) knew the truth, I never hid anything from him. He even helped me to shift there.

Once I moved here, after 8 months I realised what mess I got myself into. Lalit loved me, I was emotionally attached to him but I wasn’t in love with him.
He was mentally, verbally and physically abusive to me. It was easy to trigger him. He thought that except Rajputs everyone is inferior. Also education doesn’t matter. I opposed him always and that triggered him. I know I could have agreed to him but I wasn’t a meek. I was opinionated. I let him hurt me, beat me up.

I had seen rough childhood may be that’s why I enjoyed that torture, that pain. Lalit was an alcoholic, he never truly got over his ex. He blamed me for their break up. He claimed to love me but he insulted my family, he hit me until I fainted. I lost it when he abused against Nishant. That night I wanted to get out of that city, but then I hardly had any money.

I asked my Nishant for divorce. He did not say No. But he just asked if I knew what was I doing. I knew. I knew what was doing.
He took the blames from his family on him but didn’t let anything come to me. Earlier I used to tell him everything but now I don’t. I can’t tell him that I’m paying for my deeds.

7th March 2022 is the day me and my husband are get divorced. The thing is, I don’t want this divorce. I love my husband but I need to atone for my deeds. I also am attached to Lalit, but I don’t want to marry him because he is unworthy of it.

I never thought of doing this…

This isn’t working anymore…..

Nishant closed the diary with a heavy heart. He found the diary 3 years after Moitri’s demise. He never expected that Moitri would kill herself.

He just wished that only if Moitri could tell him what was going on in her mind. Only if Moitri could have faith in him.

And for Lalit, he is in jail for killing Moitri. Police found circumstantial evidence against him. His grandfather who was a famous criminal lawyer, his mother who was a beloved minister couldn’t save him.

Three lives met by destiny… Destroyed by the same…

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This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with RRE Studios.

40 thoughts on “I Knew What I Was Doing”

  1. Kaveri Chhetri

    hmmm… interesting story and quite complicated too. I’m still thinking about the 3 totally different characters.

  2. Only if we let life be less complicated for our own sake! All this could’ve been avoided had there been better communication and owning up. Well-written story!

  3. An intense story really. It shows that a person can never ever be fully satisfied with life even if they get everything. Nishant was a wonderful friend and husband but yet Moitri desired Lalit. A foolish decision but a sad ending.

  4. Another short yet gripping tale. Kudos!!
    Sometimes, when we are not sure of what we want, we end up making the wrong choices. And many times when we are given all that we want, we don’t value it until it is too late.

  5. Interesting story. And engrossing as always. Moitri realized she was better off with Nishant, but by then it was too late. Perhaps Nishant should have fought for his love instead of standing back.

  6. Heart breaking. Why someone wants to leave a husband like Nishant…still thinking what people want from a relationship or they just take it for granted.

  7. It is an interesting story, yes it is a sad story also it tells us that if at all we talk, communicate, we can solve many problems. One can definitely get out of toxic realationships and one can be loved and feel the warmth of care only if one tries. I wish Moitri had spoken before it was late.

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