Is It Always Hard to Let Go?

Some days back I had shared a very amateur write-up that I had written in 2015. As I was going through the story last week before posting it and today I was re-reading it, it reminded me of my recent painful experience. Both are not connected but still.

Z left on 10th June 2020, it hasn’t been long. When I was with him (you know who), I used to write snippets. Mostly based on real incidents. I had thought many times of leaving him but as it is always said that ’empaths form a trauma bond due to which it is hard for them to leave a narcissist’, similar was the case with me. I also found some old paintings I had made.

I know I am being an idiot for not letting it go but trust me I am trying. I had Major Depressive Disorder once and I feel it is back. I had lost my parents at a pretty young age and I had always believed that if you put your full focus on work (being a workaholic) it will help you cope with it. It always had. I do have very fewer friends because the maximum people who claimed to be my friend have backstabbed me, took advantage of me for being good to them, stole from me due to which I have trust issues. I am only talkative when I am close to a person else I hate talking.

I often wonder, why is it hard so hard to let go of toxic people?

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Author: Moni

A caffeinated Workaholic ✌

97 Replies to “Is It Always Hard to Let Go?”

  1. I think it really depends on our own personality , some can easily let go some really having a hard time. But what important is, you’ll get there.

    1. Sometimes it isn’t that we can’t let go or that we don’t know that we should. It is just that it is not always as simple as that. Most times, the strength to let go really depends on how bad or deep we are hit

  2. It is hard. In our minds, we battle feelings. Anger at being fooled. Sadness and the feeling of not being enough. Questioning whether we jumped ship too soon. We try to talk ourselves into thinking that we didn’t try hard enough. Mostly, because they make us think it was all on us. Don’t let those thoughts take over and keep pushing you.

  3. We all react differently and it is not your fault that you find it hard to let go. For me, I am sometimes quick to “feel” a toxic person that wants to do harm and I turn away immediately. But then there are times that I find it difficult to say “no” or to speak out. My (unsolicited) advice is take time to heal. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You will be okay.

  4. It’s hard to let go when you are not sure of what you have to offer and what you deserve. When you know your value and your worth, it becomes easier to let go because you know that you are too precious to be burdened with things.

  5. Leaving any relationship is difficult. As hard as it is to be in, leaving can be harder. Leaving a bad one isn’t necessarily any easier. We all know you are so strong.

  6. You are definitely not an idiot for having a hard time letting go. Some things take more time than others and you need to give yourself some grace. You will get through this it just takes time unfortunately.

  7. Past is for learning lessons and trying to make yourself better than the previous one and if you are still holding yourself back than trust me you are doing the life’s biggest mistake ever..just take a inspiration and move on stop being an emotional fool be strong enough..indeed great work though…

  8. I’m so sorry to hear about your MDD. Chronic illness, especially when mental, is so difficult to navigate. Sending you so much love. Please keep fighting.

  9. Happiness happens as hard feelings and things that hurt you fades away. I am glad you are workaholic and continue to focus on something that builds you in a positive way. I hope you will feel better soon.

  10. My trauma bond caused me to stay for almost 32 years. I have been away from him for 2 years now and life gets clearer every day! Spend time with 2 or 3 close girlfriends who can support you through this and you won’t feel yourself drawn to him or stuck in another relationship!!!! You’ve got this!

  11. I think it s hard to let go if you had a lot of time together and you have already established an emotional connection. Also, it is hard to let go if you really love that person so much!

  12. I feel you Moni this what I’am feeling right now It’s hard to let it go to all people who give me toxic actually they are my relative but I’am always do something to ignore them. Yes Ignorance is my new bestfriend nowadays and it helps me on how to let go just to ignore. Hugs!!

      1. Maybe you can try changing some of the ways you live, so even though your workplace will be the same, other things will be different, and it will be easier to move on?

  13. Empath + narcissist is such a hard bond to break even when you know it’s toxic. They manage to be fake nice part of the time and trick you into thinking it isn’t all bad. Or that it was your fault when something went wrong. Once you make it to the other side life is so much better. <3

  14. It can be hard. But I would let go of a toxic person. I can’t deal with the negativity. I’ve had to let go of a few people like this. Was it easy? Nope. But necessary.

  15. Engrossing yourself in work is the only way which helped me cope with my depression. And to your last question, toxic people are really influential. I don’t know how much time it takes to let them go but I really wish the best for you 🙂

  16. Maybe you should start taking a different approach to life and stop thinking an analysing so much the things happening to you. Maybe try to get out of your comfort zone and do new things, go somewhere new, even if it’s just a for a day. Give your brain other things to think about.

    1. It becomes hard to let go depending with how strong your relationship was.
      I fell in love at 15,I couldn’t let go for years but it has now become easier to let go now that I’m grown.

  17. Some things are easier to let go of then others. I guess it really depends on how important or big of an impact it left on you.

  18. I really see letting go as something that is hard to do especially if you feel guilty towards the people who are no longer healthy for your mental health. Although that’s the case, letting go is something that I see as freeing.

  19. It’s difficult to let go because of the emotions, time, and energy that have been invested in the relation. Most times, people create the perfect picture and want it that way. Should anything go wrong, they end up being completely shattered and find it extremely difficult to move on until they heal. This can only happen when they have accepted reality and chosen to move on.

  20. It’s never easy love. It took me a very long time to learn how to let go and to be honest in many ways, I’m still learning. For me it’s difficult to get rid of toxicity because often it’s what’s familiar. I’ve experienced it in friendships, relationships, even with family members … just remind yourself that it’s rough now but it will be worth it in the long run. You’ll feel so much lighter and happier! Wishing you all the best & thanks for sharing.
    x J
    https://forevertwentysomething.ca

  21. Moni, so sorry to read that you’re struggling right now. Toxic people need to be ripped out of your life like plaster on a wound because if you do it bit by bit, it’s futile, and the process might be too painful to eve continue. You should seek some therapy and discuss this because it probably stems from losing your parents young and clinging on to the wrong type of people for emotional support. I hope you get through it. xxx

  22. Agree it can be difficult to let go, but the moment you reflect and think about things it can be much easier for sure x

  23. I can relate to this on so many levels. I have such a hard time making new friends, and maybe it is lack of trust in people because I’ve been hurt by everybody I thought I COULD trust. Most recently, my ‘best’ friend cut off our friendship out of nowhere, and 2 years later I am still obsessing over what I did wrong when I know deep down the answer is that I am better off without her toxicity in my life.

    Even though letting go is hard, just believe that in the end, you will be happier for it. *hugs*

  24. I think one reason why it’s hard to let go is that we want to be loyal and proud. We want to stick it through and help the other person. When in reality, we should just let them go.

  25. I think it depends on the situation. I have definitely been in situations where yes, it is hard to let go but I have also been in the position where I know it’s time and it will be better off to let go.

    1. Difficult question to answer. It really depends on the person and their personality, I guess. Plus life circumstances and situations, too.

  26. It is hard because your life will never be the same again. If it is positive, then it is hard. If it will just bring you misery, just like in your case, then go. The world is better off without him.

  27. I’ve struggled with this too, it can be really hard sometimes to get rid of toxic people you are attached to but in the end it is needed.

  28. I used to have so much trouble letting go when I was younger. I think it was because I still defined myself through other people. I always used to say that I don’t know how to leave a relationship until they leave me (friendship or otherwise). I think the wisdom of who you are coming with age and experience. And constant work on ourselves. I recommend The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm.

  29. It has always been easy for me to let go but I understand that there are different personalities and for some letting go can be so difficult.

  30. It can be really hard to let go sometimes, especially when you’ve invested so much emotionally and otherwise. Thinking of what would work best for your future is a good place to start from, this will serve as a force that can help you pull away for good.

  31. I guess it depends on the situation like when it comes to my passion for collecting things sometimes it is hard to let go especially when it has a good story. But when it comes to relationships, it is hard to hold on to it (like toxic relationship) than letting go.

  32. Its hard to let go because they make you think you NEED them. That you can’t function without them, that you are nothing. Which is not the truth. You knowing he is a narcissist shows that you are stronger than he thinks you are.

  33. When it is affecting your mental health, I guess, you have to really let go! Save some for yourself if the person’s presence causes you a lot of heartache.

  34. Letting go of something toxic is difficult and not always as easy as others say. We have physical, mental and emotional attachments and bonds to others so it makes sense why it’s not the most easiest.

  35. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all of this and that your depression is back. Narcissists are so incredibly hard to yourself of. I think it’s because they do such a good job at making themselves look like the innocent party. Like they are the victim and then make themselves look so good to everyone else. I’m glad you were able to get him out of your life though. It may take a while to fully recover from but in the end, you’ll be better for it.

  36. I am so sorry for the pains that you had to endure. It is so hard to move on from those types of things, and normal! No matter the experience it’s the human attachment to those experiences that make it harder. I truly hope that you will be able to find the peace you need and to take care of yourself. Take care!

  37. It takes a while to practice the art of letting go. You’ll master it sooner or later, but you will. All it takes is the courage to let go esp toxic people who can rob you of your happiness.

  38. So sorry to hear of the struggle that you are going through right now. Plunging yourself into work may help a little but maybe doing something that you enjoy may help you to let go and move on. Do you have a hobby that will help you to refocus?

  39. One of the biggest changes I ever made was when I decided to cut out toxic people from my life. I’ve even had to do this with family members. But it’s really important if you are to care for yourself. Good luck to you!

  40. I too find it difficult to let something go. But It doesn’t mean I don’t work, when I feel like that I double my work & eventually feel stressed. Well, I think I need a work life balance.

  41. I love that you write little snippets based on experiences. I think that can lead to some very cool writing and can make situations more cathartic.

  42. Everything takes time… Focus on yourself, do things you love.. I think that loving yourself more is the key to finally let go of toxic People.. We ve all been through similar situations dont be too Hard on yourself..

  43. Sometimes, we tend to hold onto people, relationships, or other things that are detrimental to our happiness. Once we finally find the courage the let go and set ourselves free, we realize how heavy the weight was

  44. Hey lovely ❤️ I have allowed people in too many times in my life – I was hurt, betrayed, deceived, lied to, manipulated and mentally tortured…seriously!! I didn’t want to let go of these so called close friends and so on in my life even after. I think because with me it was I would go back to those events in my mind and they would play like a horror story. I couldn’t believe it had happened. In the end I wouldn’t forgive myself that I let it happen but I try even now to accept it all and love myself!! Baby steps 🐾🐾

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